Child support n visitation?

How come I have to pay child support and not get visitation. I took her to court and was told it was up to her she said and I quote he can see his son when he comes back to me.court said it was at her discretion. But it's been 3 years. I cry myself to sleep once a week at least cuz I want to see my son he has 4 brothers that want to meet him.I'm never late on support and am still paying for the birth to the tune of 4000 which I am responsible for not her. All the money that is being paid is no problem.I love that I pay more then I'm supposed to makes me feel good.he's now 6 and I haven't seen him in 3 years.I have 3 years of Xmas, bday, valentines day,Easter presents for him as I never give up hope I will one day get to see him. Right now I cannot afford a lawyer with 4 kids at home and support for another there's very little money left.so any suggestions would be nice, I just want visitation and went with no lawyer last time and I got screwed. So any help from noncustodial parents out there??